I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
