My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
