So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
