Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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