Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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