1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
