So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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