no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
