if you like me you must not know who I am
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
