I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
