We won't sleep together?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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