I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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