well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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