I wish you could order shots online.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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