pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just invented taco cereal.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
