there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
