I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
