Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
