Taylor Swift is so right about you.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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