I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
