i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
