I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
