Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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