now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
