There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
