who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
