drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
