she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
