this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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