I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
