Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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