Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
