My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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