U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
