I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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