Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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