Umm I'm too high to move.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
