so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
