life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
