you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
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Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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