I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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