Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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