Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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