It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
