bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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