Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
