i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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