felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
