Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
