he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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