I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
