Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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