I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
