Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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