There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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