I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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