Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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