I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
